


The Great Ice Cream Debacle of 2014

by Remy (iamremy)



Series: Remy's tumblr fics [4]
Category: Cal Leandros - Rob Thurman
Genre: Cal being Cal and Robin being Robin, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2014-09-26
Packaged: 2018-02-18 21:16:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamremy/pseuds/Remy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><strong><a href="http://tricksterkat209.tumblr.com/">tricksterkat209</a></strong> said:</p>
<p>
  <em>The last time I gave you a prompt you wrote sad stuff. >:/ Uhm, prompt: Ice cream..go pick a fandom, k?</em>
</p>
<p>I picked the <em>Cal and Niko Leandros</em> series.</p>
<p><strong>Summary:</strong> Cal and Robin are on a mission. A very difficult one. Probably a hundred times harder than trying to defeat the Auphe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Ice Cream Debacle of 2014

**1**

Cal and Robin are on a mission. A very difficult one. Probably a hundred times harder than trying to defeat the Auphe.

**2**

They’d discussed the situation with Ishiah while trying to enlist his help (if Cal and Ishiah arguing over something stupid could count as  _discussion_ ), but of course, like anything involving Ishiah and Cal talking to each other while working, it ended up in an argument. Ishiah kept his cool… until Cal called him “feathered microdick.”

"Why don’t you ask Robin about the size of my dick," he flatly told Cal.

"I can assure you, it’s more macro than micro," Robin confirmed, grinning and placing his elbows on the countertop.

Ish flat-out refused to help though, even after Robin offered sexual favors as repayment. He fixed both of them with a steely glare and said, “I, unlike you idiots, actually value my life. I will  _not_  fuck around with your brother, Cal. Now get back to work.”

Cal’s response was flipping him off. Ishiah retorted by sending him to clean the bathrooms.

**3**

And that’s how Robin and Cal end up arguing in the middle of a crowded Walmart’s aisle.

"I’m telling you, go for the vanilla," Robin says. "Niko’s boring as shit, he probably has boring sex with Promise. Hence, the vanilla."

"How is sex even relevant to ice cream?" Cal asks incredulously, and then regrets it.

"Well, if you try hard enough," shrugs Robin. "Like, this one time in 342 BC when I-"

"I don’t want to hear it," Cal interrupts flatly, and he really doesn’t. "What’s wrong with mint chocolate chip?"

"It’s his first experience with ice cream," Robin reminds him. "We need to make sure it’s not some ghastly flavor that’ll make him swear off the stuff forever." _  
_

"Mint chocolate chip isn’t ghastly, you uninformed fuck," Cal says. He’s going to think of his brother having sex every time he sees vanilla ice cream, all thanks to Robin. As if his life wasn’t traumatizing enough.

"Trust me, I was around when they invented mint chocolate chip," Robin tells him. "You don’t want to know what they put in it."

Cal scoffs. “Like anything could stand up to the terror that’s Nik’s immunity.”

"Let’s not take any chances," Robin says, mock-concerned. "So let’s go with vanilla."

After half an hour of further argument, an impromptu wrestling match, and three women fainting at the sight (Robin had decided to wrestle  _naked_ ) - they’re finally kicked out of Walmart. “It says Banned,” fumes Cal, waving the notice in Robin’s face.

"Oh please," says Robin dismissively. "You’ll live."

They end up buying a tub of vanilla and a tub of mint chocolate chip from the nearest grocery store.

**4**

"What is this," deadpans Niko when they arrive at the apartment holding their respective tubs of ice cream.

"What does it look like?" retorts Robin, setting his tub on the coffee table. "Get me a spoon," he then orders Cal.

"Get your own fucking spoon," Cal tells him, sitting on the couch and putting his feet up on the table. Niko glares, but as usual it has no effect on Cal.

"Why is there ice cream on the coffee table?" Niko tries again.

"Because we’re gonna eat it, Cyrano," Cal tells him cheerfully.

Niko raises an eyebrow. “And what is my role in all of this?”

"You’re gonna try some," Robin tells him. "I don’t know how you’ve gone twenty-odd years without ever eating any, but you’re missing out."

"I am not," Niko informs him coolly. "My life is quite complete without ice cream, thank you."

Cal throws Robin an  _I told you it wouldn’t work_  look. Robin, however, is not to be deterred. “I’ll strip naked,” he threatens Niko.

"Like we haven’t seen you naked before." Niko isn’t fazed.

"I’ll call Ish over and have sex with him  _right here_.”

"Ish would never agree."

"He will if I ask nicely."

"No, he won’t."

"I’ll host an orgy in your bedroom."

"Ish will never let you."

"He’ll be  _in it_.”

"No he won’t."

Robin is a car salesman in his free time. No way is he going to back down before Niko acquiesces. “I’ll send stripper nymphs to your door.”

"I’ll send them right back."

"Male human strippers."

"My answer is the same."

"I’ll hook your brother up with a male stripper."

Cal promptly spits out his beer - all over Niko’s favorite shirt. The look in his brother’s eyes is  _terrifying_. 

"Out," he tells Robin flatly. "And take your ice cream with you."

"Don’t get pissy, now," begins Robin, but Niko is on his feet, pulling a katana out of nowhere. Even dripping with beer, he looks like the kind of person you’d never want to meet down a dark alley in the middle of the night.

"All right, all right, I’m leaving," says Robin hurriedly, rolling his eyes. Cal gives him a  _what can ya do_  shrug, and digs into his mint chocolate chip.

**5**

The doorbell rings at 11 PM. Niko answers - only to find at least a dozen strippers - human males, nymphs and even a dryad. “We heard there was an orgy here?” asks one of them, raising a beautiful eyebrow at Niko.

"No," calls out Cal from inside, suppressing laughter, "but we do have ice cream."

"Even better," decides a nymph, and the entire group traipses inside, chattering happily. Niko, frozen in stunned rage (and that’s a first), can only let them.

Robin is going to suffer  _so painfully_.


End file.
